Sitting with God

I wrote the title of this thing almost a week ago, since when my mind has been in chaos and yesterday I reached apogee, the peak of dismay and awfulness. I even had a desire to post on Facebook, “Everything is bullshit!” Fortunately I know better than to post something that I need to sit with and learn from. The thing is if I was able to rise above the world and, indeed, the entire universe, to a place where God would be, I would have nothing to say and no questions to ask, I’d just want to see and be and bathe in it.

I imagine from that place I’d be able to see all of it, the entire infinity of everything that physically exists, and then some… I have been silenced by many things, like sunsets and waterfalls, being utterly overwhelmed at the birth of my daughter, and I am damned sure that seeing the entirety of everything would be an ecstatic, mind blowing, experience. Sitting with God would be to sit with the most minute particle and quantum event whilst seeing the whole: to see a chick hatch, a baby born, a tree fall, as stars go super nova.

The need to speak is a human thing, though animals make a lot of noise too, yet I remember dying and two of the first things to go were speech and thought. I was able to observe, but without any questions or cares or any need or desire to express anything.

As physical beings we are locked inside the parameters of our own existence, we don’t know the slow evolution of nature which can only be measured in billions of years. We’re too fleeting to grasp it. A thousands years is a long time to us and even the years of my youth and the Hippy era are unknown to younger generations. Where has all that optimism and hope gone in 2021? The world of people is a much darker place now and lies and bullshit are ugly and much noisier, yet so much less, than words of love and kindness.

We live on a linear timeline, even to contemplate the notion of God we have to grasp that such a being is outside time and space, which are our limits but are they the limit of everything? We don’t know and cannot know from our tiny limited perspective.

Most, if not all, of us struggle with even the concept of spirituality, a word for a dimension, or dimensions, beyond our ability to know in the same way as we know tea bags and toothpaste and having a pee. Whatever spirituality is, it is a state of being far beyond and outside the physical dimensions, properties and limitations we live within. There is a saying that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience, but no one can define what that means, though we can, and many of us do, flop around it like stranded fish.

Yesterday I was trying to do some model making and it was awful. The more I tried, the more chaotic my work space, and my head, became and I ended up in an ungodly mess. In the end, I just went to bed, which is a perfect way to clear my head of the mess it gets itself into. I get stuck because I have no other real perspective. I’ve woken up today in a much better place and I’ve been moving between writing this and modelling, but the first thing I did was clear up yesterdays mess, which was so bad it was impossible to do anything. My external space was a match for my chaotic internal space of yesterday.

So, you know, it’d be wonderful to sit with God and just be there. I doubt that God sits there with the internal voice I live with, that gets its jollies trashing me. Inside and out, I don’t enjoy noise and somehow, I think sitting with God would not involve a lot of pointless noise, verbal or otherwise.

Keith Lindsay-Cameron aka KOG. 23 May 2021.