Into the heart of denial

The foolishness of age

Today I have taken a beating from the arrogance of the medical profession in not just dismissing my experience of Chemo Fog, but by denying its existence.

Curious then, that I came across it expressed in the lives of others and thus used it as a common term.

My own profession has a distinct advantage over such determined disbelief and denial. My science is a softer science, the study of the human condition and heart. As a professional Community and Youth Worker, my ability to work with the often catastrophic lives of young people, is reinforced by a duty to suspend disbelief. Therefore, no matter what a young person places on the table, I am open to its reality and investigation. In fact it is my job to investigate whatever is presented to me and to take it seriously. Young people are smart enough to know whether I’m faking it or not, because they usually have an acutely developed shit detector.

It doesn’t take a genius to work out which professional is most likely to be completely messed up in such a scenario, whose life is predicated on denial. What’s the science of denial called, NIMBYism? Who’s more likely to catch a fist in the face for being a complete arse?

Oh, why’s that Keith? Because you’ve just trashed my lived experience, pissed on it to my face. Yes, this is going well.

Oh wait. You’ve never taken drugs? Ever? Well that just makes you an expert. Judging a book, but never even bothering to read a word contained.

Why am I angry? Because you’ve failed the test of the most basic humanity and found me wanting. But you call yourself a doctor. Heal the sick and harm the soul. I’ve encountered you a thousand times, you in your ivory tower of self righteous hypocrisy.

Here lies danger. Dealing with the side effects of this cancer eating drug, people talk of it as a nightmare. Small wonder, if they are brutally isolated in a drug defined existential world they cannot understand, in which they are bereft of support.

Last night I took a shower and left half my hair behind. How careless of me. It must have been inattentiveness. like this cancer I bear for living too long, I am assuredly told.

Who knew that all these years of earnest dedication would lead to such a comedy of errors and so ripe a breeding ground for cancer. [1]

Perhaps age exposes ones vulnerability to the scourge of this suffering earth, human corruption, no? Greed and avarice so vast, the richest 1% own more than half the world’s wealth [2]. Poor Jeff Bezos is so confounded by his vast wealth from exploitation that, “The only way that I can see to deploy this much financial resource is by converting my Amazon winnings into space travel,” Bezos said. “I am going to use my financial lottery winnings from Amazon to fund that.” [3] And spunk it into space.

Forgive my rambling, it’s my age, you know.

Where was I? Fog, yes. I can’t see a damned thing for this fog, silly old fool.

[1] https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/age-and-cancer

[2] https://www.cnbc.com/2017/11/14/richest-1-percent-now-own-half-the-worlds-wealth.html

[3] https://www.businessinsider.com/amazon-ceo-jeff-bezos-plans-to-spend-fortune-space-travel-2018-5?r=US&IR=T

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