Letter to you

Dad and daughter.

Dear friend,

I am now getting a grasp of what happened to me in hospital when I died. Understanding kinda flows in as my noddle sorts it out. I’d like to share with you why what happened transformed me into a fearless being instead of the old recluse Keith who has now gone. This is so obvious that I can’t believe I didn’t intuit it before, I’m a smart guy, but the blindingly obvious takes me a bit longer it seems.

If you want to travel by bike, you need a bike. If you want to live on Earth in the physical realm you need exactly what we’re given to do it, a body. There, how hard was that in all the bollocks and mystery that’s plagued us for years because, mostly, men like to puff up their feathers and be superior to everyone else. which they are perfectly free to do. They are all cocks. They are on the same journey as each and every one else, there are no masters (of what?), that is the most ridiculous arrogance, we’re all just here for the ride, together, all going the same way, each journey completely unique. Why? I didn’t get far enough in before I came back, and does it matter anyway, it’s just a journey. We’re not “MEANT” to do anything, but choosing to enjoy the ride is a class choice, if you can. I say that because no one said it was easy and I’ve been through some tasty shit indeed and more woe than I can even bother to think about any more. If you choose to be a cunt, ahem Tories, you’re entirely free to waste your life in that way, but I now pity you, I can’t hate fools. Poor old Moggy, one of the poorest devils on earth. Anyhoo…

At the hospital as I began to drift away, I was aware, I was an observer, but slowly, all the things I’d needed on Earth ceased to be. See how obvious that is. Thinking, the inner voice, feelings, the whole shebang leaving me as I prepared to go further in and somewhere else, not physical. I was moving without the sensation of movement, just observing, dispassionately.

That was as far as I got because the team brought me back and when I woke up the next day I just felt fantastic. And it’s that feeling fantastic that has been the riddle, Why did I feel so well and happy? Ooh what a tease that was.

The answer is easy to see now, I was rekitted to come back, I’d still need a body and all the usual kit, the inner voice, feelings. Duh. But I realised I wasn’t making judgements any more that I’d learned to do on Earth throughout my life. I have no inner voice called me a piece of shit, I am unable to even try. I can’t even get there. I’ve had a few challenges since I got back, that would have messed me up before, and each one, I’ve seen the problem and simply dealt with it. I went to get a new phone because to look after my body here and enjoy it, I need instant medical contact without having to wait for the thing to wake up. I went and got a new phone because I really, really want to finish my journey here. Dear god this earth is so beautiful, I love it so much. All the problems that people have made, the ruin. I feel sad, the way any decent human being would, but I pity them, whereas I can walk out of my house, take my shoes off and walk on grass. A practice I shall do a lot, only because it is delicious making skin contact with our mother Earth. Please do try it, close your eyes and try it, do tell me how it goes. It sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it, in fact…. I’ll be right back…. Oh my days, it’s been raining. I’m not going to bother to describe it, there’s loads of grass out there, well, it was a bit nice, to do no justice to the truth. I can’t even remember when I last did that. Chump.

Where was I? I am not sure I have much more to say, what more can I say, I’m just going to live, that’s quite the adventure enough my friend. I am going to feed people, give them a coat if they need one, treat myself to the guitar I’ve wanted and denied myself this last 42 years. I have my daughter back and I cannot begin to express how much I am going to enjoy her and meeting her partner, musicians both, and I am going to sing with them. Imagine the joy. The feeling will be exquisite, while I still have feelings to enjoy. I’ve used my dear feelings all wrong, now I know better. I fancy being a bit of a feeling gourmet, as well as a million other things. So much to love, so much to do, so very, very much before I enter the white haze for the last time and move on.

This is written with love, because I love you and I wanted you to hear my story. If you can, be at peace with yourself, you are truly truly lovely. If you need a reminder, ask me. It will be my pleasure, trust me, it really will. Your laughter will amaze me.

Did you know the greatest expression of joy is tears, tears are the natural expression for joy, because if you didn’t leak, you’d explode. Love your tears, they heal you, make you better.

Go well. Lustily.

ps. for my daughter Tamsin. I love you. We made it. I am so happy, I’m crying.

KOG. 27 July 2020

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